Unpaid Interns

R.I.P. Interns
No AI Bonus For You :(

When the party awoke, Phylo was back with them, having worn the doppleganger phanaton out with his love-making talent.

They made their way out of the room via the roof hole with help from a now flying Silentread.

Above ground in the full moon, they came upon the ruins of the Shrine of Tomoachan. The walls glowed green as Zotzalaha’s voice boomed in their heads.

“You have violated my secret temple…blah blah blah blah”

Then from the ground arose the temple in all its former glory (even the lost walls…whatever that means). Along with the walls and stuff there were 6 vampire spawns and Roywyn’s former companions, all now at the command of Zotzalaha and hell-bent (pardon the pun) on killing the party.

I won’t go into so much detail…ok, let’s

Waylan set fire to the entrance of the Shrine to keep the former members of Roywyn’s party contained.

Faedell turned undead two of the vampire spawns.

Daisy went back to her plane.

Silentread became dominated by Zotzalaha and began to shoot her companions.

Faedell as well was dominated and used his Spiritual Guardian poorly wasting his only high-level slot…its as if the DM was making them do BAD things.

Roywyn was all stabby-stabby until Reth, being dominated, turned her into dust (actually she was able to sneak away unseen by him because…Reth)

Reth, happy in his killing of Roywyn, proceeded to smite the Cleric dead (well unconscious and dying anyhow)

When everyone had finally shaken the domination, they scaled the walls and began fighting (all except Reth, who simply walked through the fire door).

Phylo pulled out some sphere of force and locked Reth and two of the enemies (Veronika the monk, and Drongren the fighter) in a 1lb sphere.

More fighting, then Waylan, using Mage Hand, lifted the sphere 30ft above the fire, Phylo dismissed the sphere, and the three came tumbling down taking damage and some fire damage too.

Eventually the monk and the fighter (Veronika and Drongren) were dispatched, so the gang surrounded the remaining enemy (Kelera the ranger) and set her soul free.

Zotzalaha screamed at the heroes as he was banished once again to a prison plane vowing to “Kill you all and your children, and your children’s children, and their children, and your grandparents, and your third cousin twice removed, and…”

Thus, Catastrophe Inc. retired back to Waterdeep with new found loot to take a long rest at home.

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Phanaton Love
And Finding Roywyn

The interns discovered a hidden altar in the big room with the boat (and doppleganger phanaton) wherein a gnome rogue was silently trapped. They freed her and Roywyn joined the party as Phylo and the doppleganger phanaton occupied that room to make sweet, sweet love for the duration of the session.

The newly reoganized party headed back through the room with the many cats and discovered a hallway with a deep trench lined with thorny plants and bars every 5 feet at floor level spanning them. There were some boards in the hall, the the party figured, “what the hell, let’s jump from rung to rung”. With some encouragement from the DM (no, I don’t feel bad),

Silentread lead the way, taking a rope with her, then jumping from rung to run until she was exactly 1/2 way across…then stopped.

Roywyn, showing her commitment to getting out of this place, went next, dashing along the very thin wall to about the 1/2 point…then slipping and falling into the thorny plantimals below.

Reth thought “I can do that”, tied 5 ropes to his body, and proceeded to jump from rung to rung, then jumped down next to Roywyn. How heroic?

Better Silentread, being an agile panther, jumped down immediately into the thorns…missing the first rung.

Faedell and Waylan, being of higher intellect, just waited.

Silentread, ready to jump again heard a muffled voice from below, it was Roywyn saying “Don’t you have a magic ring that allows you to fly?!?!” Silentread was all like “Oh…right, I thought it was my wedding ring” and began to fly.

Reth wrecked the plants and pulled Roywyn free.

Better Silentread leaped up from the ground.

Faedell heroically got Roywyn up. And Waylan teleported to the other side.

Eventually then made their way into a large room with part of the ceiling collapsed from whence bright sunlight (and not so bright apes) peered into the room.

In a pile of rubble in the center they met Amphisbaena, a nasty two-headed snake who wanted to eat them all.

The gang made quick work of her and the apes as well, t hanks to Waylan’s use of hypnotic colors and lights.

Finally, the group took a long, well deserved rest, in the magical interdimensional tent of Waylan’s.

NEXT TIME: Finally the Finale

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Dissension Among The Ranks
Dex Save Failures and Greedy Clerics

Leaving the recently vandalized tomb, the party discovered a blocked passage with tracks along its floor. Quick thinking as they are, they began pushing this False Wall up the slope along the tracks. This revealed another hallway, which they entered and found the Romeo and Juliet room…so they backtracked to the False Wall.

Reth released the latch of the False Wall in hopes that he could out run the rolling slab. Instead he found himself crushed under the weight of the slab. Strong as he is, he was able to get out from underneath it, only to fail at running away from it a second time, and becoming stuck under it again.

Phylo grew vines on the slab, and the rest of the party was able to pull the slab all the way up the slope with Reth’s help and have it stow away in a secret area.

Next, Daisy, the amazing Mastif, discovered a BEHOLDER! So the group decided to kill the BEHOLDER. It went exactly as expected, even though it wasn’t really a BEHOLDER. Finally, after licking their wounds, Reth ran back inside the room and fell the killing blow to the BEHOLDER.

Reth found another Magic Box on the wall…cool! He was so excited, he ventured off on his own into the next hall and was immediately crushed by ANOTHER ROLLING BOULDER TRAP.

Then the group found a fun game PELOTA!™ They quickly proved to be expert Pelota players…who knew.

They then found a room with a bunch of cats (stuffed cats) and Faedell mended one, earning TWENTY GOLD PIECES! (or 500 based on how you look at it) to which Phylo demanded that the group share…5 GP each. Of course, the Cleric is too greedy to relinquish 15gp to his partners, so Phylo took it upon himself (during Reth and Silentread’s battle with the ACTUAL opponent) to start a fight against Faedell.

Now, we ALL know that a Druid vs a Cleric is a one-sided battle, the Cleric ALWAYS win.

So the Druid bests the Cleric as expected and Faedell gives 5gp to Phylo and 10gp to Reth, who gives 10gp to Silentread as payment for killing Daisy.

With that done, the party finds a new place, where first Reth gets trapped in some mechanical trap (over balsa wood and rubber), escapes and immediately throws Phylo (cute phanaton) through another door (which teleports him all the way back to the hall where he was trapped days ago with baboons and Wayland’s WInd.

Fast thinking (and rampant misuse of magic boxes) reunited Phylo with the group just before they got shot with crossbows when opening the final door in that one place with the fake pit trap and portal door…remember?

Doppelganger copies Phylo, now Reth has TWO phanatons on his shoulders. Treasures found, fun had! I believe long rest as well.

Next time, TPK!

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Grungs and Extra-dimensional Spaces
poor memory recollection

So months after this actually happened…let’s see how much i remember…

I KNOW the group found a hallway covered in roots with sweet little frogs living there. The party immediately began hallucinating due to the poison of these frogs. So they did the only thing that makes sense…create a HUGE fire.

Some hilarity ensued in conjunction to this fire…trust me.

Once the main part of this encounter seemed well in hand, Reth (and I think someone else) found himself (themselves) in an extra-dimensional space. They were able to escape, however, they appeared as zombies and such to the rest of the party. Unfortunately, the other party members DID NOT kill either of them.

The group then found a tomb of a hero/king, or something like that. where they immediately desecrated by breaking statues and robbing the grave. This invoked the spirit of the dead man to arise and get shrekked very quickly.

Finally, the group took a long rest in this newly destroyed place.

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Romeo and Julie Oh...just die already

The party found a room with fire beetles and possibly a rust monster.

Uncharacteristically, they all listened to Waylan when he warned against fighting rust monsters.

From there they found a bunch of dead people that came to life and then died again at Catastrophe, Inc’s hands.

They then fought more spiders.

Finally they found a room that had a lot of cool stuff in it.

Powders in vials, ruins, Olman writings…

Oh the discovery to be had, there were two bodies on tables.

Ah the experiments and the puzzles they were going to unlock…what?

Oh right, they stole the staff from the woman, causing the bodies to awaken, and fought and killed the two lovers that would have probably revealed to the party the wondrous nature of the powders and given them advice on the tomb and shown them where hidden treasures were to be found.

Onward and upward as they say.

Join us next time when Waylan warns of dangers and its anyone’s guess as to what the party will do: Heed or Speed

Oh and it appears that Silentread’s Mastiff is a pacifist.

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Cool Boxes

The party moved on towards unexplored areas of the dungeon where they came across a mysterious box. It seemed to keep things cool. Reth was impressed. They then found a nice hallway where a horde of baboons suddenly appeared through a false hall and were immediately 1) copied by Phylo, 2) Blown by a wind, and 3) Slaughtered by Waylan.

The d4 looking thing came in handy to find escape from the room and then they found 1) another box and 2) a large golden ring.

Phylo took the ring, got trapped, turned into a phanaton, got robbed by Faedell, and then fought some spiders.

Waylan read the ruins, warned against following Wil-o-Wisps, and fought some spiders.

Faedell robbed Phylo, chased after the Wil-o-Wisp, and fought spiders and fire beetles.

Silentread fought spiders and followed Faedell to certain death.

Reth did acrobatics with his panther and killed some spiders and fire beetles.

After dispatching the beetles, Reth played a game of Portal or Portal 2 (unclear as to which it was)
Waylan warned against chasing Wil-o-Wisps
Faedell continued chasing Wil-o-Wisps
Silentread and Phylo followed Faedell as he chased Wil-o-Wisps.

The party was trapped by the Wil-o-Wisp, almost killed (Faedell has permanent damage), then they escaped.

Oh and they found another box.

Then they slept and had a dream about a tarp or something.

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Pizzel Sticks
Not Pharaoh Penis

The Catastrophe, Inc party was lead by Waylan this time as they attempted to pull the bronze doors before them using Mage Hand…no luck. They decided to use ye old grappling hook trick…no luck.

Wayland then approached the door and found out two things 1) they were locked and 2) they PUSH inward…so no pulling needed.

Waylan pulled out his trusty thieves tools and proceeded to ineptly unlock the door, breaking the sleeping gas vial attached to the other side, which Reth breathed in deeply and began is 5000 year slumber.

While Reth’s panther watched over his master’s prone body, Waylan began examining the tomb and identified the Berzerker Axe embedded in the wall.

Silentread found two hidden clay pots, one with Bison or Cattle depicted upon it, and the other with sleeping or dead bodies painted on it.

Phylo took the one with cattle and broke it over Reth’s head and out fell a dozen Pizzel Sticks.

Silentread deftly opened her pot and revealed a Dispel Magic (7th level) scroll which was used to wake Reth up.

Awakened, Reth immediately recognized the Pizzel sticks as food and quickly ate one, then gathered the rest for later…he did not take any more poison damage after consuming one, so Silentread asked for one and ate it too.

Waylan ate one, but Phylo and Faedell held off eating them (and took poison damage)

Then Reth called Jenny (867-5309) and the crypt opened up revealing a lot of awesome treasure.

Phylo took the mask, and Faedell took the chain and the corpse began to stir. So Waylan cast a spell.

Now, ask yourself, what is the appropriate spell for this situation? Hold Person? Turn Undead? Command? NO! Thunderwave, obviously.

Thunderwave cast into the crypt with the corpse and treasure, caused a shower of corpse and treasure to be blasted out of the crypt into the air where the corpse began transofrming into a special Vampire Spawn (Tloques Popolocas) who brought forth swarms of bats, hold person, and mirror image as he attempted to defeat Catastrophe, Inc.

He was dispatched as all foes who face the wrath of Reth, Phylo, Waylan, Silentread, and Faedell are…eventually.

What is the next challenge to await the intrepid explorers?
Will they take an hour to decide how to open the next door?
Who will be the next to fall asleep?
Will they look at the treasure they obtained to find the special item they missed?

Join us next time to find out: Oct 4th 6:00PM

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Shut Up, Westley!
Dominance and Submission

Silentread sent her mastiff into the tunnel and the bitch reported that there appears to be a sealed door at the end of the tunnel.

There was much hymning and hawing over how to open the door at the end of the tunnel.
Eventually, Phylo decided he would be clever and deal with the door.

So, he entered the tunnel and, turning into a phanaton, could not pull hard enough on the door to open it. The party decided to use one of the many grappling hooks Reth carries along with way too much rope.

It didn’t work, phanatons are not the best at securing spikey metal things, apparently.

But finally, after a few hours of breathing poison gas, Silentread manned up, and pulled the door open revealing…a hallway.

The party went into the hallway and made their way East until they met Dasa Zotz, a super sexy neried with her pet Giant Lightening Eel named Chac. The party quickly made friends with Dasa by barely defeating a myriad of poisonous snakes that threatened her grotto. Dasa took a liking to Waylan and gave him a present as they left, a potion of clairvoyance and gloves of missile snaring. And she spoke of her friend “Westley” who lives to the…wait for it…West.

The party headed West, where Silentread found a charming coin at the bottom of a water filled room, after Reth and Waylan drained it. They then found “Westley”, a slug named Tecuziztectl, who apparently is the “Lord of Snails”. Westley tried to get the party to walk into his flooded room (very acidic water) and was much surprised when the party all were able to walk upon the water’s surface without getting damaged or drowning. Reth asserted his dominance over the Lord of Snails and took his pendant for his own. Westley, much humbled by the power of Reth, begged the party to leave him alone.

So the group headed back South, then East and talked to The Guardian and Kalka-Kylla again (they really are good friends now it appears), they talked about where men do things in the Temple and where Zotzilaha might be, as well as Dasa Zotz. Finally, the group, much to The Guardians pleasure, decided to move onward and Eastward.

To the East they found a rubble-filled stairwell blocking their further exploration North, but they also found a secret room, cordoned off behind a large square stone. Inside Faedell found another charming coin and Phylo, after breaking some urns, found a Priapt of Health.

Waylan spent most of the adventure playing a lovely anti-charming tune, and made a fantastic end to the day by producing an extra-planar sleeping quarters free of poison gas.

Join us next time when Waylan asks yet another question about Vampires (apparently just to show the creatures how knowledgeable his is already about them), Faedell heals everyone and gets yelled at for healing too much so he stops healing so much and gets yelled at for not healing enough, Silentread restrings her bow (uses different dice), Reth rides around on his panther, and Phylo goes blend from herpes (Priapt of Health does not protect against STDs)

NEXT GAME: September 20th @ 6:00pm

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Catastrophe, Inc.
Who needs a camel when you have a panther?

The adventurers returned to the main AI campus with word of their deeds preceding them. They were given a choice: Full Franchise or Pay the Bill. They chose, after a long debate, Full Franchise (much to the DM’s delight). They signed the contract, paid the fee and then moved to Baldur’s Gate and into their new office there.

Then they went shopping, Reth wanted a Warhorse, but was dismayed at the prices, so he happily purchased a Camel. Probably the best looking, strongest, and most sought after camel in all of Faerun…seriously from champion stock.

A package arrive for “Wayland the Angel Wielder” and inside they found an old book, a note, and Faedell’s Mace of Terror.

The note was from the mayor of Highfalls thanking them for all their work and giving them a book that his father owned, a travel guide to Ancient Tamoachan by R.B.

The party, now known as Catastrophe, Inc., embarked on the journey to the deepest jungles of Chult in search of the hidden temple. They eventually found it and were engulfed by a collapse.

Finding themselves trapped in a room, filled with noxious gas, and dioramas depicting various scenes of ancient Tamoachan life, they fumbled about with what to do. Finally, Phylo, fed up with nothing happening, knocked a bunch of commoner figures on the ground, where they immediately grew to real size and attacked.
Reth kept his head, and convinced the commoners (since he read the Olman to Common, Common to Olman dictionary at the back of the old book) that he was their friend. The commoners said they would help the party get to the temple.

Reth also found a panther statue, it turned out to be Silentread2, so he immediately murdered his camel, so happy to be reuinited.

Silentread broke a bunch of tiny spears taken from the warrior figures, the group fought frogs, took poison damage from the air, got healed by Faedell, and then Phylo cast moonbeam in the room, and Reth gathered all the figures (except the magic users) into his blanket, stepped out of the room and…
“Fluffed” them into the moonbeam where they immediately grew to full size and died from the damage of the moonbeam…XP was distributed.

Next Phylo got crushed by a poorly shimmed pressure plate’s trap, Reth held it open as Silentread’s big breasts brushed clumsily past and Faedell and Wayland passed with flourish.

In the next room, they met a Giant Crayfish, THE GUARDIAN, and Kulka-Kylla (a giant hermit crab). THE GUARDIAN warned Catastrophe, Inc. to “LEAVE OR BE KILLED!” Catastrophe, Inc. stayed and made friends with Kulka-Kylla, offering him a giant Blue Oyster taken from the Isle of Dread. THE GUARDIAN, now the guardian, was not happy that the party ignored his threats, nor that his master LIKES these meatbags…maybe he can kill them later.
The group asked Kulka-Kylla what the layout was, Kulka-Kylla told them stuff, the group decided to go West.

Reth found a silver triangle (think silver 4-sided die) and Faedell tasted some lime from the wall (and took 2 or 3 points of damage before washing it off)

They then proceeded West and North and found a statue, which Reth immediately climbed and it toppled over on him (the panther was rightly concerned) revealing behind it a secret passageway (think tight air-duct) into which the Reth immediately climbed.

Will Reth survive the electrical shocks running through his body?
Will Silentread continue to break tiny stuff?
Will Faedell lick more acid (trippy, man!)?
Will Phylo continue to carry the group with Thunderwave?
Will Wayland wake the hell up and do something?

Join us next week to find out

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Epic Grand Finale
Made Impotent By Wayland

Ok, so maybe the Wonderous Box was not such a GREAT tool, but honestly, when the party was consisting of 2 to 3 characters, SOMETHING was needed to keep you guys actually in control of the game and not have me rescue you with some Deus Ex Machina EVERY time…but Damn’t, Thomas…A PLANETAR?!?!

Ok, so the gang found a secret passage up to the top of the volcano, where an Arch-mage was attempting to become an Arch-lich by killing Highfalls populace and Jim Joe too. Seemed pretty tough of a fight what with the 30 monsters (skeletons, demons, displacer beast, and basalisk) I was looking forward to the party fighting to the last breath only to have the arch-mage slip away at the moment of victory…

Wayland pulled a Planatar from his Wounderous Box (which the fasting-thinking DM quickly made break due to pulling a Lawful Good creature from it) and turned this epic climax into a premature ejaculatory pile of shit.

Live and Learn, I guess.

Anyhow, they managed to rescue some of the captured townsfolk, revive Jim Joe, and made their way back to Highfalls, became town heroes and legends of renown, and set a precedence for their future with Acquisitions Inc .

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